It’s 2am, and I can’t think clearly. The memories of you are just running through my mind. I think back to the time when you were around, and while everything was far from perfect… At least I had you. I think of you everyday, but not properly. I remember things, I remember you. But it’s like I block out all the feelings that come along with those memories. Why? Because you were my everything. Because despite everything else, all that matter was when I held you in my arms. The world could be falling apart around me, and as long as I had you; I knew I’d be okay. Because with all that love, all that happiness you brought me, I now have emptiness. It’s something so hard to describe. And tonight, it’s all coming through. All this time blocking out how I feel. And I can’t breathe. My chest feels tight. I try to take a deep breath but I physically can’t. And my heart, it hurts. It feels like something has wrapped its hands around it, and is squeezing as hard as it can. As I lay here in bed, I wonder… Do you think of me? Do you remember? Like I remember? Because when I think about you with someone else, I can’t comprehend it. I try to tell myself you are happy, and that’s what matters. All I want is what’s best for you, but it hurts so much knowing you aren’t with me. It’s my fault I know, and that’s what makes it worse.
The pillow you use to lay your head on, I still keep in my bed. Every night when I go to sleep, I place it next to me. But since it’s been so long, your scent from your pillow is gone. Just another fading memory, I’m so desperately trying to hold onto. Where are you? I hope you are well. Me? I’m not doing so great. I need you so badly, and right now I’m so alone. But I guess that’s my fault too. No one else is worth my time now you’re gone. I have nothing to say to anyone unless it’s about you. And even when I talk about you what’s the point? It can’t be fixed, and I still don’t know anyone who truly understands how I feel. My bed is empty, I’m struggling to carry on. I keep staring at the photos but they just remind me you are gone. And it’s so hard tonight, I can’t keep it all in. I don’t know where to turn, I don’t know who to talk to. I just wish you were here, I hope you know I will always love you.