End of year celebrations?

So it’s that time again, end of the year. School/University ends, holidays are close and christmas is about a month away. Happy time yes? Not really. I don’t know about all of you, but i personally hate Christmas. But I will get to that later.

To be honest I think my world is slowly coming to pieces around me. I haven’t been to school in about two months. While things with Carol went from bad, to worse; then to good… I still don’t think things will work out. And more and more am I finding my friends failing me. Either not making the effort or cancelling our plans. I may not be at school but I still make an effort to stay in contact with all my friends and see them, it’s not crazy to think they’d do the same for me. I am at an all time low. With not being at school, and not having a job the prospect of making Carol my girlfriend is very slim. The prospect of having a girlfriend, any girl to be my girlfriend is ridiculously slim. I just want things to pick up, for everything to be good again. But I am having trouble getting there. And with everything going on lately, I am sick of trying.

And then you add Christmas to it. Like I said earlier I hate Christmas. Not only does my father LOVE┬áto celebrate Christmas, his idea of Christmas altogether is idiotic. Yes I know it’s a time for being with the people you love, but it’s also about giving and sharing (right?). And he only gives if you have earned it throughout the year. Now my brother, has slacked off as much as I have, except he’s done it since the beginning of the year. And what will he get for Christmas? Oh probably everything he wants, like always. I have already been informed that due to my recent behaviour, there will be no presents for me. And to top it all off I have to put up with everyone coming over, and everyone but me getting presents. I’ve tried talking to my father, giving him hints about things I might want for Christmas, and his response? “You don’t deserve presents. I’m not wasting money on you. You want everything that comes out.” What the fuck?! I wish I could just find somewhere to go on Christmas day, where I don’t have to see anyone or do anything. Just be alone.

Actually I kind of wish I had of gone to school. Maybe things would be different right now. Maybe I’d have a girlfriend. Maybe I’d be having a good Christmas. I don’t know. Either way I am not looking forward to Christmas time.

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