4am rant

I’m getting less slack with posts. Maybe. I have noticed they have changed the way the wordpress home page looks like. I like it 🙂

Anyway, it’s almost 4am and I can’t sleep. Sitting in my room alone, I realise that I am craving human attention. Particularly female attention (not in a sexual way, actually wouldn’t mind that kind of female attention but that’s not what I mean). Lately it seems (even after my extensive thing with Carol which I can’t remember if I have explained) that even though I’m spending more time with girls, I seem to be talking less to them. So what does any person at 4am in the morning do when they are craving human, particularly female interaction? Turn to the internet. Not only does this make me feel a little sad, but then half way through responding to a message I realise… I have no idea what to say to a girl. 

I just am not very good at talking over messages. Talking in person I’m great, even talking over the phone I’m pretty good. But when it comes to messaging I am completely and totally awkward. So much so, that I have resorted to talking about the weather and time differences. Poor girl, she’s probably hoping I don’t reply. Actually I don’t think she is going to reply. Oh, I am pleasantly surprised. Oh yeah Zach, use the word frolic in a sentence. Because that’s completely normal. Ah who am I kidding. Like I said, completely lost for words.

So Carol. Things got good between us, really good. We were spending lots of time together, always texting, always hanging out. She seemed to like the idea of us having sex a lot more than I thought she would. And for a while things got great, so much so that I decided to ask her out. And that’s where my mistake was. Shot down, in a second. She was shocked to realise I liked her enough to want to date her. And that I was a good friend and she didn’t wanna loose me as a friend. They way she acted, she acted more like a girlfriend than a friend. Wow, stuck in the friend zone even while I was fucking her. How the fuck did I manage that?

Not really sure where to go from here, too embarrassed to talk to her, and too tired to get into this post anymore. My bed is calling my name!

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