Rant

There’s that one moment, where you realise whether everything you have been working so hard for is either going to work or fail. I’m sure hoping this isn’t one of those moments. Now I don’t know if this is because of my current state of mind, lack of focus over the past few weeks, being over tired, being a negative nancy or the truth, but I think it’s all starting to unravel and fail. And the worse part is… I know I’m better than this. At least I think so. I don’t know anymore. But lately I can’t seem to get the strength or motivation to do anything (if my life depended on me completing my goal I have set out to do, I would go out and do all the things I want to do before I die). I don’t want to fail. I don’t want to mess this up. But I think I am. I don’t know what to do anymore. Do I press on, and fight my way through this? Or do I just fall down and fail, like I am starting to think I will. And i know everyone is waiting for my inevitable failure. I can picture where and what I want to be in the future so clearly. I was so sure I could do this, but right now it seems like someone else’s dream. It seems so murky, so far away. So foreign. I can see what I want, but the more I try and concentrate on the picture, and try and give a face to the people I see, the blurry it gets.

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