So…

So it’s been two months since I have written anything, and a lot has happened. I’ve started at my new school, and things are going awesome. I feel good getting up in the morning and getting ready. I look forward to going to school, which is something that I haven’t felt in a long time. My grades are awesome, and I’m not finding anything overly difficult. I’ve made a lot of new friends and even met a few cute girls, one who I think I’m starting to like (which isn’t good).

But of course everything isn’t perfect, I have assignments and exams and I’m really starting to feel the pressure. But it’s not the school work that seems to be getting to me, it’s all the personal shit. I’ve been in such a good mood, I was an idiot for thinking it would never end. It’s like there is always something bringing me down. Even though I’m surround by my friends for at least 12 hours a day, everyday; I don’t think I have ever felt so alone. I always hear people complaining about their lives, and how shit they have it… When sometimes I think to myself, I’d kill to be in your position. At least your parents care about you, at least they talk to you and try and spend time with you. Most of my friends complain because their mum or dad want to take them out somewhere, or rather pick them up from a friends house then have them catch the bus… One of my friends was actually complaining because their mum was going to take him clothes shopping. How can you complain about that? ANY of that. I think its just all starting to get to me…

Then there’s this whole girl situation… I haven’t really hung out with any girls since me and my ex broke up. I have hung out with girls I already know who are my friends, but it’s different with her… She is so sexy, and cute. She makes me laugh, and she’s so flirty, but I don’t think she’d see me as more then a friend? I’m getting mixed signals from her, she’s always touching me and saying suggestive things, but then she says things that reaffirm my thoughts about her only seeing me as a friend. She’ll say things like “I’m cute” or “I’m so smart” or “I’m adorable” (which I know is the same as cute). And being told you are cute and smart by someone as attractive as her is never good. I’ve also seen her ex, which she is on and off with and he is the complete opposite of me. He’s such a jerk to her as well. Really frustrates me! The only reason she talks to me is probably so I can help her with her school work… I can’t say no to her…

Which reminds me of my ex, sort of. Sometimes I think about her, and I wonder if she even thinks about me. We had our problems, but when I was with her; everything felt great. It felt like she actually cared for me, and like she knew me so well. Sometimes I wish we never broke up, I wonder what it would be like… Ah I don’t know.

I guess I’m just trying to stay focussed on school, so I can go to university next year; and get out of this shit hole I call my life. I need to somehow power through all this shit so I can make something of myself. I just have to try not go get dragged down, which is proving to be difficult.

 

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